Listen to this, while you read ^w^
>raises hand
I have a question before I start talking ^W^
If we put a post in "Close Friends" category (which you're the only one that I have >3<), does that mean my post is only shown by you? I kind of wanted to my talking separate from our normal conversations. ^///////^
Another reason is to save this writing on my blog. Just so it's there.
I know I explained to you a lot about my darker self. But I wanted to express to you what's going on recently inside my head. To give you an update, I suppose you call it that. Hehe. The battle isn't really over inside me. Even if I'm not in my circle of depression, there's still that part of me that resists me facing reality. It gives me pain, and my chest undeniably hurts every day. I try my best to hold in the burden, sometimes trying to overcome it. Lately, I've sometimes gone back to reason with it too. I know I've tried to reason with it all these years, but nothing has come out it unfortunately. It's not really able to understanding reasoning all that often. I kind of have been treating it as another personality, but it's really like an emotion. A emotion with a one track mind. But in a way, I can understand it. Ever since I was a child, I've had a sharp eye for seeing the irrationality and hypocrisy inside people. That inside, people only had selfish desires inside them. No matter what they did, they acted in according to their own selfish desires. People didn't realize how much of what they said hurt another, or sometimes they didn't want to realize it. They followed society's laws to fit in, to the extent that they would mock another for acting different. As a kid, I began to notice things differently. I saw people in a different light. A much darker light. Perhaps it wasn't the clearest perspective on life (not that I was THAT mature back then), but it began to grow onto me. I began to be disgusted by human beings. Of course, I was no different. I was hypocritical as the next person. That's why I searched for deep insight, and see all the hypocrisy in things. A part of me wanted to surpass society, and all its irrationalities. That's why I try to be very opinionated. Because I notice these things. But not all of the thoughts I process in my head, comes to words, or writing.
Sometimes, I do want to express it to you, but I feel as if it's not appropriate to say it most of the time. I can't find a reason to express it in our conversation, since I feel like it overloads you with information.
Maybe right now, you feel that way too.
~//////////~
mmm I feel tired ~////////~ It tries to suck away my emotions and energy too, when I write. I'm sorry.
I'll talk about it more. In another day.
Muwa. I love you
